Not being socail

So first off I am sorry if I have not returned phone calls, emails or text messages.   It has been a very draining week.   But I am thankful to be going through so many hard things as it makes me see things and value people more. Logan is doing great.   He was only in the hospital one time and that was it.   He is going through some hard times with his body but we pray and try to explain to him that it is going to be a while till he feels himself again.   He has been so drained the past week that he has a hard time being his active little self. Myself, this surgery was way harder than any surgery I have ever been through.   Being number 10 this is really a surprise for me.   Usually I wake up in mid conversation with the nurses conversing among themselves and I join in on their conversations.   This time I think not sure.   But I woke up fairly quickly from the surgery.   I then proceeded to gag and throw up because the tube was still in my throat.   I kept throwing up, crying and begging them to make some pain I had go away.   I still have no idea what the pain was but it wasn't my shoulder.   I then remember then stripping me of my drapes (clothing) and my dressings that they had put on in the surgical room and placed new ones on.   The nurses were great and were so sweet. I kept apologizing for my vomit and my bawling.   That it wasn't like me to do things like that.   They smiled and said that it was just fine.   Once I was okay they sent me to the room where Seth was waiting and he stayed with me the whole time.   When it was time to go my Sister In Law who works at the hospital came down and helped us out.   She helped me get dressed and stayed while Seth got the car.   When I got home I went right to sleep.   I kept gasping for air and told Seth if he could ask his buddy from scouts to come over and give me a blessing.   I was scared and was trying to communicate which was hard without being really emotional.   The blessing I have no idea what it said.   But I felt a peace and a comfort of knowing that it is something I needed to go through.   I do remember also feeling better about asking people to come help.   I DO NOT like asking, telling or even thinking about help.   I am a true Tomkinson/ Rusch.   I am stubborn and like it MY way and not letting people come and help me.   This past week Seth was amazing.   He cooked, cleaned, showered me, made sure I was comfortable, made me not do anything, rest, took the kids to and from school, and he even pulled my hair back for me.   People from the ward brought food.   Most of it was really good.   Only one was a meal I could have done without.   But I didn't want to be rude and tell them that it didn't seem that good.   And it was cold so we had to reheat it all.   Which is fine... but again really could have done without.   I know Heavenly Father is there watching out for me.   Simple things make me know that he is there.   A quite time with my kids.   Teaching them how to do things without being to frustrated because I know I cannot help them physically but to help them through it by explanation. Like On Sunday.   I was craving Something lemony.   So I asked the kids if they wanted me to teach them how to make lemon bars.   All of them except Truman jumped up and got in on the action.   I taught them how to make it.   Then they were so happy with how it turned out that they want to make more.   And if I am "disabled" at the time I think I can help them out more and watch them progress.   Another blessing that I didn't know that I needed and that they needed. Life is good and thank you for the well wishes, phone calls, emails and texts. I will try harder to make sure I get back to you. Just know that I am not ignoring you in any way.   I am just in a depression where I don't feel like talking about it over and over and having to remind myself of how silly my body is.   I cannot wait for the Resurrection and have my body back.   Fully functional and strong. Love you all. Karla