OH my weird NIGHT!

This is a long and kind of personal entry. Please go into it knowing this. And that I KNOW what I wrote, dremt and felt was from my Heavenly Father. So if you don't want to read it then don't but if you do. Please if this is for you I pray that you will feel that it is for you.

So last night was so sad, scary, fearful, tearful, and JOYFUL. I mean all these emotions into one entire night. I thought it was the weirdest thing. It felt like it was Allison in wonderland on some kind of drug. well I think that movie is weird but anyways.

So I was going to bed. Even though it was late 11 pm I was kinda hungry so I had some Taters and roast from a few nights ago. (may cause bad dreams who knows) well after that was done I went to bed. But I always read my scriptures before bed no matter what time of night (or day) it is. Or how tired I am. (just had taken my meds for the pain).

Well the scripture I read was this (from lds.org)

THE FIRST BOOK OF NEPHI
HIS REIGN AND MINISTRY

CHAPTER 20

The Lord reveals his purposes to Israel—They have been chosen in the furnace of affliction and are to go forth from Babylon—Compare Isaiah 48. Between 588 and 570 B.C.

1 ^aHearken and hear this, O house of Jacob, who are called by the name of Israel, and are come forth out of the waters of Judah, or out of the waters of ^bbaptism, who ^cswear by the name of the Lord, and make mention of the God of Israel, yet they swear ^dnot in truth nor in righteousness.

2 Nevertheless, they call themselves of the ^aholy city, but they do ^bnot stay themselves upon the God of Israel, who is the Lord of Hosts; yea, the Lord of Hosts is his name.

3 Behold, I have declared the ^aformer things from the beginning; and they went forth out of my mouth, and I showed them. I did show them suddenly.

4 And I did it because I knew that thou art obstinate, and thy ^aneck is an iron sinew, and thy brow brass;

5 And I have even from the beginning declared to thee; before it came to pass I ^ashowed them thee; and I showed them for fear lest thou shouldst say—Mine idol hath done them, and my graven image, and my molten image hath commanded them.

6 Thou hast seen and heard all this; and will ye ^anot declare them? And that I have showed thee new things from this time, even hidden things, and thou didst not know them.

7 They are created now, and not from the beginning, even before the day when thou heardest them not they were declared unto thee, lest thou shouldst say—Behold I knew them.

8 Yea, and thou heardest not; yea, thou knewest not; yea, from that time thine ear was not opened; for I knew that thou wouldst deal very treacherously, and wast called a ^atransgressor from the womb.

9 Nevertheless, for my ^aname’s sake will I defer mine anger, and for my praise will I refrain from thee, that I cut thee not off.

10 For, behold, I have refined thee, I have chosen thee in the furnace of ^aaffliction.

11 For mine own sake, yea, for mine own sake will I do this, for I will not suffer my ^aname to be polluted, and I will ^bnot give my glory unto another.

12 Hearken unto me, O Jacob, and Israel my called, for I am he; I am the ^afirst, and I am also the last.

13 Mine hand hath also ^alaid the foundation of the earth, and my right hand hath spanned the heavens. I ^bcall unto them and they stand up together.

14 All ye, assemble yourselves, and hear; who among them hath declared these things unto them? The Lord hath loved him; yea, and he will ^afulfil his word which he hath declared by them; and he will do his pleasure on ^bBabylon, and his arm shall come upon the Chaldeans.

15 Also, saith the Lord; I the Lord, yea, I have spoken; yea, I have called ^ahim to declare, I have brought him, and he shall make his way prosperous.

16 Come ye near unto me; I have not spoken in ^asecret; from the beginning, from the time that it was declared have I spoken; and the Lord God, and his ^bSpirit, hath sent me.

17 And thus saith the Lord, thy ^aRedeemer, the Holy One of Israel; I have sent him, the Lord thy God who teacheth thee to profit, who ^bleadeth thee by the way thou shouldst go, hath done it.

18 O that thou hadst hearkened to my ^acommandments—then had thy ^bpeace been as a river, and thy righteousness as the waves of the sea.

19 Thy ^aseed also had been as the sand; the offspring of thy bowels like the gravel thereof; his name should not have been cut off nor destroyed from before me.

20 ^aGo ye forth of Babylon, flee ye from the ^bChaldeans, with a voice of singing declare ye, tell this, utter to the end of the earth; say ye: The Lord hath redeemed his ^cservant Jacob.

21 And they ^athirsted not; he led them through the deserts; he caused the waters to flow out of the ^brock for them; he clave the rock also and the waters gushed out.

22 And notwithstanding he hath done all this, and greater also, there is no ^apeace, saith the Lord, unto the wicked.

So with going to bed with that scripture in my mind I fell asleep pretty well. Then I woke up to use the restroom (I know you wanted to know but its part of my weird night) I told DH to take D back into bed so I could sleep. After he did this I fell right into a deep sleep. I awoke to a very scary feeling. I mean SCARY EVIL feeling. I felt as if someone was in the house. I kept telling myself it's okay dont worry about it just go back to sleep. It took me a while but I finally did.

Then I had the worst dream I have ever had in my entire life. YES LIFE...... My dream was so real I couldnt tell if I was awake or sleeping. Well Seth (in my dream) started to hold me tight (which I love) then he changed into someone else and started to hurt me. Started to really hurt me. I tried to scream but I couldnt. It felt as if I was paralized (I can scream really loud) but for some reason I couldnt. I tried to reach for DH on the side of me but I couldnt. It got so bad that I finally just pushed him with my legs and yeah well he died lets just say that.

DH was trying to wake me up. When I finally came to he held me and I bawled. I have never done that before in my life ever. (wow talk about emotions) Anyways so he just held me and told me that it was all a dream to just go back to sleep. I told him "I was still scared I felt as if someone or something was here" then shuddering I asked him "Please say a prayer, I know you are so tired and you have done so much for me but please say a prayer for me and the family please." He did so without a word or a sign of complaint. Then I felt good but wanted to read some thing uplifting and something that would make my troubled heart calm.


So I started to read this book that my SIL J made for me. (thanks so much it is so comforting in times like this.) T and D started to cry and call for me. I grabbed the water and gave them a drink. Then T asked if I would stay with him. (which has been so hard since the surgery because it causes me pain) but I did because I felt bad because I know how it feels to have fear in my heart and mind. So I laid next to him. I awoke in pain and went and laid back in my bed an hour later.


Then the weirdness started. It was all a musical dream. It was like the world and all of its twisted evil and pulling. First it was a nice song. One that I love "Have you ever been in love" (celine dion) and it was nice but then people would be commiting adultery and sin and things like that. So in my dream I *switched the stations* and it was Heavy meatal. (I don't like it) but it showed hate and love in wrong places. Then rap which showed rapping of small children, killing of women, men, ect........ I then started to sing children songs. Like ones from my kinder years. This part was great then it started to change and I could see some children being pulled away. Some from their own parents who didn't care. Then some children were being thrown in the river who were to young to swim. So I jumped in but I couldn't save them. I couldn't do anything. Then some how I got away fine and I saw a cute brown haired boy tied down and crying. I grabbed him and ran. People started to chase me but I kept telling "Darren" (his name) that I wouldn't let them hurt him anymore. I was his mommy now. I was going to take care of him.
Then I started to sing "oh holy night" and it turned peaceful, cream not white for some reason. Then again Celien Dion was singing with me. But my voice was angelic and she started to get mad. I ran and hid in a church where she said "get her" I stopped dead in my tracks and as loud as I could I started to sing "WE THANK THEE OH GOD FOR OUR PROPHET!!!" And as I continued to sing people would run away from me. Some joined me in song. I hugged them and kept on going. Then I changed the song to "I know my Redemer Lives" The church changed to the tabernacle. I was surrounded by angels. I was singing with angels. I felt safe. Warm and then a person was coming to me and then I awoke. :( kinda bittersweet ending but then I started to think.


I am going to do what is right. I have to keep my children safe. I need to find Darren (about 1 to 1 1/2 ) and bring him to my home and have him as my family. I HAVE to do things right. I have to teach my children right. I have to be optimistic from now on. I have to keep the sin out of my house. If I dont then all things that are MINE will be taken away.


Sorry this is a LONG post and kind of personal. But as soon as I awoke I felt I should write this. So whom ever this is for. PLEASE take it and use it and put it into your life. I love you whomever this is for. DO what it takes for your family to be FOREVER.